The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We were destined to go to rehab together
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
