We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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