i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
