Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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