Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
