He is such a slut. More and more my type.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
