Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
