The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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