Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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