Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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