she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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