If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
