i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
