New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
