My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
