Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
