I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
