So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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