hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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