They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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