Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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