i just made my gag reflex go away.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
His nipple licking is glorious
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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