Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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