i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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