Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
