i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I look better un-naked...
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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