it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
