I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
