I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
