Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
