Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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