u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
