Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
