Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
