One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize