oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
