Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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