So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
