so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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