Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
