it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
