Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
