You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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