Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
