I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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