I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
