I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
