I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
