good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
