Kiss
Puke
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
