would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
