I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
