i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
