I want to have your abortion
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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