You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize