I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
