none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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