My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
