Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
