you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
