It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
