I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
