he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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