remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
