So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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