I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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