im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
